he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
