the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I cut my penus on the lid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
