I think my fart just growled at me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
