You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize