dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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