all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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