i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
