When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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