It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
