i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
