forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
