butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
