I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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