i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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