"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
from now on my penis is your penis
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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