I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
