Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dicks are not precious.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
