Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
