bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
