She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
