The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize