see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
