weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
