I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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