I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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