fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
