you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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