its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
