Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
