If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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