i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
