Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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