I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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