I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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