Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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