I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
