I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
