I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
