evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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