Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
