i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
