He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
