eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
