I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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