What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
