We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize