I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
