Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
