he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
