it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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