Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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