the day after is always just damage control
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
how drunk are you?
Several
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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