Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
