so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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