A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
