She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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