One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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