Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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