Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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