he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
please come you make the beer taste better
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
