I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
