Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Still dying that you shit outside
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
